Tag Archives: personal protection

No is a complete sentence.

Verbal self defense“No” is a complete sentence.  Anything else either clarifies or amplifies your message.  In terms of self defense, anyone who won’t take “no” for an answer likely doesn’t have your best interest in mind.

It’s okay to say No:

  • No, thank you.
  • No, I don’t want your help.
  • No, I won’t give you my phone number.
  • No, I can’t help you.
  • No, you can’t sit with me.
  • No, I’m not interested.
  • No, I’ll take the next elevator.
  • No, I’ll take the next cab.
  • No, I don’t want to sit with you.
  • No, I won’t go up to your room.
  • No, you can’t join us.
  • No, I’m not okay with that.
  • No, you can’t come in.
  • No, I don’t want to share a cab with you.
  • No, you can’t use my phone.
  • No, you can’t call me.
  • No, I won’t be your Facebook friend.
  • No, you can’t sit with us.
  • No, I won’t loan you $20.
  • No, I won’t let you give me a ride.
  • No, I’m not going anywhere with you.
  • No.

Any of these sentences has the potential to save you from a compromising or dangerous situation, if you’ll simply say the words and mean them.  And if the person doesn’t respond appropriately, know in advance what you’ll do next…and do it with conviction.

Visit www.redrivertkd.com or contact the author directly at redrivertkd@gmail.com.

Stay safe!

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How to Fight: Two Simple Steps

 

  1. Don’t do it. You could wind up in the hospital, the court system, or the morgue.  Use every available means NOT to fight.   Apologize.  Make it right.  Draw attention to yourself and the situation.  Clearly state that you don’t want any trouble.  Call the police.
  2. If you must fight, fight like your life depends on it. Commit fully, don’t hold back, and stop as soon as the threat is neutralized.  No one who picks a fight plans on losing, and you never know what advantages they may have.

Every situation is different, so trust your intuition and react quickly.

Stay safe!

Susan’s Stalker

Stalker-following-woman

Stalking is never okay. No matter what the situation, you cannot control the behavior of another person, nor are you responsible for it.

My friend Susan* has a stalker.  They met through a mutual acquaintance, he asked her out, and she said no.  That should have been the end of the story.  Instead, after she politely declined his dinner invitation, he continued to call and text her.  He acted overly familiar, prying into Susan’s personal life, demanding details and giving the indication that he had been watching her.  She quickly asked him to stop contacting her altogether.

Instead, he began calling at all hours, texting repeatedly and driving by her house.  As he became increasingly aggressive in his pursuit, Susan grew worried for her safety and that of her young son.  She varied her routine, taking different routes to work and coming and going at different times, but still he lurked in parking lots and on nearby streets.  Susan blocked his phone number to eliminate his calls and text messages, but then felt as though she were missing a valuable indicator of his mental state. Continue reading

What’s Worth Fighting For?

whats-worth-fighting-for

What’s worth fighting for? Each person’s answer may be different, but that decision should be made before a confrontation ever occurs.

Know yourself and what you’re willing to fight for.  This can’t be a game-time decision…it must involve some soul-searching and personal inventory well before you’re faced with an attacker, an intruder, a mugger or any potentially life-threatening situation.

If you’re suddenly accosted by someone who is trying to take your wallet or purse, you need to know whether to toss it away (YES, in almost every case), or potentially risk your life and personal safety by trying to keep it.  If someone you don’t know knocks at your door, will you open it? What determines your answer?  And if an intruder tries to force his way into your car or home, how will you react?

Continue reading

A Nice Guy, or a Good Guy?

man-male-happy-face-guy-portrait-198949My friend was talking about a man who had stalked, restrained and physically attacked a woman we knew when she said, “But he’s basically a good guy.”  Shocked, I clarified:  “No, he’s a nice guy.  Definitely not a good guy.”

A nice guy, or a good guy?

We both knew this person.  He had been a guest in both of our homes.  He was attractive, charming, likable and a great conversationalist, making him very pleasant company.  However, beneath the surface, his niceness paled in comparison to his aggression, threatening behavior and willingness to put others at risk.

Yes, we all have bad days. We all have triggers that can cause us to behave unlike our better selves.  But someone who deliberately intimidates, terrorizes or attacks another person?  That’s not a good person.

Continue reading

unlocked-open-door

Don’t Go In There!

Self defense begins with making safe choices for yourself and those for whom you are responsible.  Sometimes habit or emotion gets in the way, but staying aware and alert can go a long way toward keeping you safe.

My good friend recently arrived home to find her front door standing open a bit. She knew she had closed and locked the door when she left for work, but there it was…open. She is a smart person with life experience and has taken at least one self defense class, but habit and emotion kicked in, and with a fit of righteous indignance, she walked in and began searching the house.

Fortunately, the intruders had left, taking some of her belongings with them.  What if they hadn’t?  Was she prepared to defend herself against a startled and possibly armed person who was breaking the law, escalating a burglary into a robbery or even an assault or rape?  By isolating herself inside the house, she potentially gave an intruder all the opportunity needed to commit further crimes against her, and took away her own escape route (get in the car and/or leave) and sources of assistance (neighbors).

Our homes are indeed our castles, and contain the majority of our possessions…but it’s still just “stuff,” and not worth losing your life.  By entering her home instead of calling the police, my friend unthinkingly exposed herself to serious risk.

Of course she felt angry; her home had been violated.  Of course she was incredulous; she had locked the door, but it was standing open.  Of course she felt safe; it was her home, where she has lived for over a decade.  It’s hard to process that a formerly safe place or situation can suddenly become anything but safe.  Being open to new information (my door is open, so someone could be inside), listening to your gut feeling and intuition, and finally, acting on that information will do more toward keeping you safe than anything else you could do.

No matter how good your intentions, if you zone out at the wrong moment or are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, you could be the target of an assault or other crime.  Be prepared mentally and physically to fight back, escape and call for help.  You may be a target, but you don’t have to be a victim.

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The Difference: Target or Victim?

Although you may be the target of an attacker, a stalker, a mugger or a rapist, you do not have to be a victim!  In many cases of self defense, those who escape a violent assault exhibit two traits:  a) they are cautious and aware of their environment, and b) they are mentally and physically prepared to put up resistance.

What makes a potential target desirable for an attacker?  Unless the attacker is a predator stalking a specific target, he (or she — although for the sake of convenience, I’ll use the male pronoun) likely will seek an opportunity with a high likelihood of success. He may be seeking a person who is unaware of his or her surroundings, seems meek, hesitant, lost, distracted, shy, impaired in some way, gullible or overly trusting.  A person who acts or reacts predictably may also be a desirable target for an attacker.

Success, for an attacker, could be anything from intimidating you into giving up your purse or wallet to isolating you so he can beat, torture, rape or kill.  While you may not know the type of level of threat you are facing, it is important that you realize the potential for your situation to escalate dramatically.  Attacks and abductions happen in seconds, not minutes.

We are taught from a young age to be polite and courteous, and these are important social skills.  However, these very habits can put you — women and children especially — in a compromised position if you aren’t vigilant.  Fear of embarrassment, hesitating to draw attention to yourself or ask for help, and denial, thinking, “This isn’t happening to me,” can put you in a very dangerous situation.

Be aware, stay alert, listen to your intuition and act on it.  If you find yourself the target of one or more potential assailants, act quickly!  Use your wits, your voice, and then your physical skills.